Why?

I never really had that 'why me?' moment- it seemed too self-complacent in that situation. And I didn't have a choice. For waiting at home for me was my eager French exchange, whom I was going to see a play with that evening. I was her host. I had to remain calm.

But, why seriously? Why do I have cancer? Where? Here are my facts:

Last year, I did a lot of running for my Duke of Edinburgh sport during the summer. I love running- the freedom it gives you is second to none. But I had to stop. For no apparent reason, my left knee would begin aching. And not just subtly. Like I have to sit down for a few hours, or a few days painful.

Well this happened about four times starting in May, including at the airport literally before boarding a 24 hour flight to Australia. And that was dehabilitating- I couldn't run, walk or move for three days. It was now past normal. I was missing school, limping and buying shoe insoles.

I had some MRIs, which I didn't mind or understand the urgency about. We even postponed my second MRI scan because I wanted to go to a little talk at school about publishing.

But then it all snowballed. I had a general anaesthetic and a CT biopsy and then within a month I had the announcement. Then it all began.

The Start

On Thursday 18th November 2010, my whole life changed forever. I am a sixteen year old schoolgirl, whose peers would list boys and spots among their most pressing life worries. I am obsessed by fashion and cared way too much about what others think about me.

I was told I have cancer. Except the words they actually used first were its technical names: 'lymphoblastic lymphoma', which allowed my mind to sink into itself categorically as I tried to comprehend whether this was all some kind of sick joke, totally surreal or my new reality. Sadly, it was the last option.

Words were swimming around my mind: 'tumour', 'cancer'- it was all (it is all) so serious. So sudden. Such a shock.

I broke down, weeping. I still did not understand. And the only thing that really really upset me was that all my hair was going to fall out. I am a teenage girl after all.